Quotations Galore

"Steve, can I go to your house and pee?" ~Hotchandani~

"If you give me a credit card I can break in." ~Alyssa Quayle~

"I'm in love with these red things." ~Andrea~

"Oh brother." ~Mr. Korpi~

"ANDREA!" ~Jillian~

"The storm is coming." ~Katie Kratz's t-shirt~

"Shit and crib may not rhyme, but at least they sound alike." ~Brett~

"Let's hear it for the Hematite Sport Band." ~Game announcer guy~

"Andrea's a loser." ~Mr. Clancy~

"Tonto?" ~Malia~

"You can actually see the dead midget in Wizard of Oz!" ~Tracee~

"That makes for some half-assed writing" ~Ms. Crist~

"Someday I'm going to open a store and call it the Shiznital Bam-Slam Shop" ~Sarah J.~

"You looked, she grabbed" ~Adam Jandron~

"That's how we get through to today's generation..fuck fuck fuck" ~my mom~

"Bryan, do you have that prostitution thing?" ~Jillian~
(Oh alright, she actually said something else, but Mr. Sarvello and I BOTH thought she said prostitution.)

"Red and green make green" ~Some child in the Country Kitchen~

"Kristen has to do something bad every week, so this week she decided to not read the Great Books story" ~Andrea~

"I walked into a wall, a total wall." ~Kelly Stone~

"You're not Katie, no wonder you're not answering me." ~Ms. Crist~

"BECKY!" ~Sarah Childress~
"SARAH!" ~My usual response~

"Let's sit here and pretend we're Powerpuff Girls, I know I will!" ~Jillian~

"I knew I was right, I just needed a little...ya know" ~Katrina McMasters~

"Speaking of guys and infections, did you take your pill?" ~my mom~ (I know what you're thinking, so don't even think it...silly people.)

"I just bent over and revisited my lunch" ~Brien~

"It's crazy" ~Sarah J.~

"Smoothlier" ~Sarah J.~

"I'd like to burn her and spit on her face" ~Sarah J.~

"I'm sure if I had eaten a crumpet, I'd know what a crumpet was...no, of course you wouldn't...nobody knows what crumpets are...they are kind of like Jello...you know Jello, you've eaten Jello, some of you may even LIKE Jello, but nobody really knows what Jello is" ~Sarah J., once again~

"I have never threatened you with physical violence, so if you don't take that part about me off, I'll kill you." ~Megan Poutanen~

"Are we going to the Corsica?" ~Amy~
"You mean Common Grounds?" ~Sarah's response~

"So what's this Crimson Lights place like?" ~Amy, later on~
"COMMON GROUNDS!" ~Sarah's response~

"I need a piece of glue!" ~Gram~

"Hardy Har" ~Kristen Henson~

"ROY G. BIVin it up!" ~Kristen Henson~

"Tickles for Lexie!" ~Sarah Johnson~

"When is the 29th?" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Becky, you are holistic" ~Sarah Johnson~

"KittyMeowrl" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Oh, shit" ~Leesh~

"Becky, you have a sexy computer" ~Katie Kratz~

"Bad girl! Negative 5 million!" ~An enraged Mr. Croze~

"Jilly Unlimited!" ~Jillian Perry~

"Meanie Bucket!" ~Used by Brett, but originally said by Sarah Johnson~

"Put another one of my quotes on your website!" ~Sarah Childress~

"I am a dancing food!" ~Jenn Val~

"Woah, big Tony" ~Leesh~

"TTTIIIRRREEEDDD" ~Hotchandani~

"Just like that Regis Philburn" ~Mr. Korpi~

"That's Katie Niepoth? Is she wearing a mask?" ~Mr. Croze~

"You're like the guy on Tom Green that just sits there and laughs" ~Kristen Henson~

"Wink Wink" ~Sarah Childress~ (And no Sarah, this quote does not make you look like a dork)

"See those birds? They look like refugees from a Dr. Seuss book" ~Gary, my Excellence in Education tour guide~

"We cannot work under these sweatshop conditions" ~Katie Kratz~ Rock on, Katie! :)

"I have no nuts!" ~Brett~

"I only got to be gay for an hour" ~Leesh~

"HEY!" ~Charles Goyen~

"This is one meaty bitch" ~Lisa Villeneuve~

"Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jillian is checking the answer on her calculator" ~Mr. Croze~

"I can give you herpes through your boob" ~Jillian~

"Becky, you are my Freon" ~Brett~

"How does Jenn Val spell her Jennifer?" ~Mr. Korpi~

"Hold on! Let me check!" ~Mariya, as she hangs halfway out of Megan's car while the car is in motion~

"I am changing colors" ~Wadja~

"Romance languages are so sexy" ~Wadja~

"Scottage heritage" ~Mr. Korpi~

"I says" ~Mr. Korpi~

"It's comfy!" ~Kristen Henson~

"Is that the building with the glass windows?" ~Meagan Spalding~

"Blame the lesbian" ~Kristen Henson~

"Is Alex Haley black?" ~Kristen Henson~

"Becky, your dick is showing" ~Malia~

"I fret, therefore I fret" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Shit and hip may not rhyme, but at least they sound alike" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Bitching is an art, and you have to have lived with a man for 14 years to truly master it" ~My mom~

"It's like Paradise Island good...no, it's wild orgy good...no wait, it's multiple 69 good" ~Sarah Johnson, imitating a yogurt commercial~

"Same shittin' thing" ~Kristen Henson~

"You're chillin' on his crotch" ~Kristen Henson~

"This here waffle is the bomb" ~Kristen Henson~

"I thought it only took one person to clean a bathroom" ~Eric Tasson's mom~

"She wants to run it up the wall and staple it to the ceiling" ~Sarah Johnson's mom~

"I'm sure we'll have our fair share of making out one of these goddamn days" ~Leesh~

"We're fucked like a Chinese whore" ~Amanda Butler~

"Sometimes I wear purple camouflage" ~Liz Hurley~

"I is goin' to play some croquet, yo" ~Brett~

"That pig is oinkalicious" ~Sarah Johnson~

"I wanted to do the wild thing" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Can I have a cigarette?" ~Kristen Henson, while she's holding a lit cigarette~

"They were swimming in their bras and underwears" ~Kristen Henson~

"Chili powder?" ~Katrina Madsen~

"A cow just drove by" ~Katrina Madsen~

"I'm dyslexic, deaf, blind, and I have no legs" ~Jeff~

"Biaznitch" ~Brett (who else?)~

"Don't get sucked into the bloody vortex!" ~My mom~

"She's part of the Stupid Festival" ~My mom~

"AIDS...it's everywhere...look at it now, floating through the very air we breathe, oh wait, that's pollen, isn't it?" ~My mom~

"Oh holy grail" ~Katie~

"Glory be" ~Katie~

"Hands off to that" ~Leesh~

"Brettley just came in and mowed the rest of my mac and cheese" ~Kristen Henson~

"My train of thought just derailed at the city of delusion" ~Malia~

"Is my fat freak head in your way?" ~My mom~

"What were we talking about? Oh, lard" ~Kristen Henson~

"When the sun peeks out from the clouds, it is brief but glorious...like an orgasm" ~Kristen Henson~

"Not everyone can add" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Speakers, can you handle this?" ~Brett~

"Oh mother of pearl" ~Katie~

"Ma-ma-ma-matrimony" ~Malia~

"I'm going to steal their seat...and they'll never know" ~Katie~

"Let's get us some lakefront property, and we'll have to move quickly, the rice harvest is almost due" ~My mom~

"Do you smoke it or inject it?" ~My mom~

"Glory glory glory" ~Katie~

"Jiggin' in the homeland" ~My mom~

"Today I learned how to disable my cookies" ~My mom~

"Oh god...bless america" ~Katie~

"That looks like one glory of a movie" ~Katie~

"Don't quote me on that!" ~Katie~

"Would you like a Lesbian Shake with those Lesbian Fries?" ~Kristen Henson~

"I paid the good man like I said I did" ~Brett~

"If there's anyone named Hannibal in here, I'm NOT reading it." ~Gram~

"Time for me to go and die in the weather" ~Brett~

"I want a big, powerful car so I can blow people up" ~Leesh~

"I'm a kamikaze!" ~Leesh~

"I'm great, I'm straight, I'm fantastic!" ~Sarah Johnson~

"I think life is more fun when lived by the seat of your pants with your inner child in full command" ~Malia~

"I hate Cheerios because they taste like puffed wheat" ~Brett~

"I have a string on my...self" ~Leesh~

"Where's that thing you put on your head?" ~Katie~

"I just realized what the upside-down triangle means!" ~Kristen Henson~

"Good morning, Mrs. Diphthong" ~Sarah Childress~

"Is Kurt the guy that's curt?" ~Katie~

"Did you just say you have Brett's man book? No? Oh, I guess I need a hearing aid then" ~Katie~

"AUHHH!" ~Sarah Johnson~

"I should form a group and name it Fate's Kid" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Titterus?" ~Malia~

"My body is eating my ass right now" ~Brien~

"This water is clear" ~Alyssa~

"What's this? Oh, it's a pocket" ~Jenn Val~

"I'm a sweatin' machine" ~Mr. Korpi~

"I'm Rodney Dangerfield. I get no respect" ~Mr. Korpi~

"Glen, blow your brains out" ~Mr. Korpi~

"Sometimes I call Bravo Bravo" ~Katie~

"I don't know what it is, Katie, but I like your toilet paper" ~Malia~

"I get it" ~Mariya~

"Shut up! Shut up! I hate you! Shut up!" ~Megan, talking to JAKE on the phone~

"You are the messed up link!" ~Sam Gray~

"Can I borrow your microwave?" ~Brien~

"I'm going to hack into your website and put up pictures of big butts" ~Brien~

"Shut up, Sam...shut up" ~Sam Gray~

"That name is not to be spread" ~Jillian~

"Is this stapled wrong?" ~Sam Gray~
"No, it's just stapled in the wrong corner" ~Katie's response~

"Just shoot me" ~Sam Gray~

"Boom boom kitty fuck" ~Sarah Childress~

"Oh yeah? Well you're a ha...I forgot what I was going to call you..." ~Leesh~

"Holy fuckin' Mohammed" ~Leesh~

"I'm using you metaphorically" ~Leesh~

"Holy Bin-Laden!" ~Sarah Childress~

"There is a god in heaven, and he doth love my carcass" ~Liz Hurley~

"Intermingling" ~Brien~

"Oh, so she's going to drink it?" ~Kristen Henson's reaction to a lesbian who's going to get pregnant with a sperm sample~

"When I got a C in school, I was as happy as pigs in poop" ~Manchester~

"I do love you, I just can't stand you" ~Manchester~

"Swiss swiss swiss swiss swiss" ~Brien~

"Funk station 12" ~Mr. Korpi~

"Shut the hell up" ~Mr. Korpi~

"I'm big like a moose" ~Leesh~

"Hello Becky. I'm supposed to be a penguin." ~Jeff~

"I'm a big hairy spider. Please do not stroke my hair." ~Jeff~

"Some weird Marty guy" ~Leesh~

"Moo, you look tasty" ~Leesh~

"And then they made out" ~Leesh~

"He wuvs me" ~Alyssa~

"Swenor? What's a Swenor? I don't know what a Swenor is" ~Manchester~

"Pimped-out curtains" ~Brien~

"Chew that jiggly puff" ~Brien~

"Bryan's my anti-punk" ~Leesh~

"They were wacked-out hippie chicks" ~Ms. Crist~

"That's the last time I'm ever bending over" ~Brien~

"THE STAND WORM!" ~Sarah Childress~

"I was talking to Margaret yesterday...no...this afternoon...no...this morning..." ~Alyssa~

"Dan's probably seen a lot of emus in his life...in ways people usually don't want to see emus" ~Andy Lehmann~

"Before I have a heart attack I'll take someone's head off" ~Manchester~

"Wadja probably owns the largest butt plug in the world" ~Sarah Childress~

"My name is spelled like Jello" ~Alyssa~

"Is Musser taking a dump or what?" ~Mr. Korpi~

"We'll be runnin' off at the piehole" ~Roger Ekdahl~

"Never shoot a beaver if it's under your foot" ~A Becky Kratz-Melissa Korpi aphorism~

"I'm going to stop saying 'yeah', it's tacky" ~Ms. Jaegler~

"My headache feels better when I yell" ~Manchester~

"It's beige, which is somewhat brown, somewhat white, and somewhat khaki" ~Jon Devold~

"Fashion emergency, get the siren" ~Andy Lehmann~

"Don't you guys people know anything?" ~Holly Jackson~

"We'll be watching a film here as soon as I get it on" ~Manchester~

"You're high maintenance" ~Holly Jackson~

"Two pubes" ~Holly Jackson~ (She meant to say "two cubes," and maybe she really did...but Leesh and I clearly heard pubes in there)

"Too much food for time" ~Malia~

"Do you have a broom, I mean brush, I mean...knife?" ~Malia~

"Big Malia, hurry up" ~Leesh~

"The soul of the sword of the fire in the rock" ~Dylan Hendrix~

"That's my Bob Villa coming out" ~Mariya~

"What are you doin' muckin' down in here?" ~Mrs. Gray~

"We are all part of a gigantic circle, and everyone is needed to keep it round" ~Jillian~

"Do I have mess on my face?" ~Malia~

"I jumped his bones in the cornfield" ~Malia~

"I was such a potato back then" ~Jon Vallier~

"Books have a sex, okay?" ~Holly Jackson~

"Chew it, chew it, and spit it out" ~Brien~

"Permit the children to come onto me and forbid them not" ~Leesh~

"Pork the Catholics in the face" ~Brien~

"Steve, if you married the frozen MinuteMaid, you'd be the dairy queen" ~Ryan Heilala~

"Watch me glow" ~Mariya~

"They used to beat my sax against the wall to see if it was plastic" ~Mariya~

"It's the Kratz twins! Gimme a hug!" ~Mr. Dagenais~

"I wish I was a virgin" ~Katie~

"Pregnancy: The STD for which there is no cure" ~Sarah Johnson~

"My ideal president would be someone who screams a lot" ~Brien~

"Is there something big over there?" ~Leesh~

"Black people are more racist than white people" ~Tracee Hoban~

"Negative-ism" ~Mr. Croze~

"That's refrigeratable...for the trash!" ~Mr. Croze~

"Josh must like the Diamondbacks, they represent his country" ~Mr. Croze~

"I'm psychotic! I'm on crack! I love it!" ~Mariya~

"What kind of animal did you have to kill to make that?" ~Gina Ryan~

"Jesus" ~Katie~

"We were like...humping stuff in Sam's kitchen" ~Joelle~

"My pants my pants are filled with friends with friends who are in my pants my pants..." ~Sam Gray~

"My crotch is controlled today!" ~Mariya~

"I'm so emotional" ~Jillian~

"Guys, I need to focus" ~Jillian~

"Advantage of taking out a 5 year loan: You swim longer" ~An example of how Roger Ekdahl's mind tends to wander~

"GI stands for galvenized iron" ~Manchester~

"Chester, were you in the Civil War? Because you remind me of Ulysses S. Grant" ~Dan Lyman~

"Here's where Hester Prynne lives...and here's her little chimney...and here's a little deer in the forest" ~Mr. Clancy~

"I think I walked pigeon-toed as a child" ~Jillian~

"You should be amended for that" ~Leesh~

"Gooey goodness globs of...yeah" ~Leesh~

"Naked men in their underwear" ~Brett~

"A straight cake with gay icing" ~Sarah Johnson~

"You haven't lived till you've Wizzed" ~Sarah Johnson~

"If Jesus were here, he'd be smilin'" ~Katie~

"Ms. DeCaire, I have something for you...but it's not here. I'll give it to you sometime...later...tomorrow maybe" ~Jenn Val~

"I'm infectious. I'm spreading. I'm a disease. Catch me" ~Malia~

"Becky, look, I'm a blonde muslim!" ~Mariya~

"You bent a stick on my ghetto" ~Joey Heilala~

"Alyssa, you're an animal" ~Luke Dobson~
"I am NOT an animal!" ~Alyssa~
"Well you sure as hell ain't a vegetable" ~Manchester~

"I'm not tired, I'm just...fat" ~Jen Musser~

"I'm a floater" ~Alyssa~

"I'm all linty and I have to have a child after school" ~Jillian~

"Why do gays have to come out of closets? They should be able to come out of cool things like cookie jars or lava lamps" ~Sarah Johnson~

"You're irking my ire" ~Manchester~

"The sound my hair makes when it dries: flat" ~Alyssa~

"Can I leave now?" ~Holly Jackson~

"Hello Holly Jackson. I love you." ~Ms. DeCaire~

"Holly's old-school" ~Jillian~

"December 28? You mean Christmas Eve?" ~Tracee~

"Tricerabot! And the Green Mouse!" ~Brett~ (He was watching Battlebots)

"What if Tricerabot busted into that party and started poking all the girls with fake tits?" ~Brett~

"My ninja grandma who's working on her blackbelt in karate is growing a fall blooming Crocus so she can make her own Saffron" ~Mariya~

"Der's liddle peeple in de hallvey" ~Alyssa~

"Dad, you can be destroyed" ~My cousin Warren~

"You won't let me play with your car? Fine! Touch my blender and you die" ~My cousin Warren~

"What's that dance you came up with? The Lindy Hop?" ~My Gram~
"No, Gram, the Swimming Man" ~Brett~

"I'd just lump right onto the floor" ~Sarah Johnson~

"Turn off the light and shut the light off" ~Sarah Johnson~

"I want a popsicle...and mashed potatoes..." ~Sarah Johnson~

"There're a lot of great words in this list...like dearth, that's a good one...and tantamount, that's another favorite" ~Mr. Clancy~

"Is my best friend Fudgey wearing his sandals today?" ~Jenn Val~

"Oh my ever-loving cake, Tina! What happened?" ~Jenn Val (sarcastic)~

"He's worth more to the insurance company than he is to society" ~Kristen Henson~

"What's a transvestite?" ~Manchester~

"I enjoy Pat Benatar and Petula Clark" ~Manchester (he was being serious...that's the funny part)~

"Did he say queso or peso?" ~Ryan Heilala~
"He said cheese" ~Tracee Hoban~
"I was not talking about valuing the Argentinian cheese" ~Wajda~

"If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous" ~Manchester~

"Ho minibus" ~Becky Goulette~

"Shakira's got some frustration" ~Wajda~

"I want to have Shakira's body" ~Malia~
"Me too, but in a different way" ~Wajda~

"Korpi's trying to gerrymander the trumpet section" ~Katie~

"Some people just shouldn't be allowed online...they run off to live with strange men they meet on the internet...oh wait..." ~Kristen Henson~ (Disclaimer: Kristen lives with her boyfriend, whom she met on the internet)

"Hey peepster, what's the dilly on this bloom?" ~My Mom~

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear" ~Manchester~

"I love you...hang up" ~Mariya~

"That's cool, they have to have sex" ~Leesh~

"There's more arms than guy" ~Mariya~

"I am slicker than a wet weasel on a linoleum disco floor" ~Mariya's talking robotic frog~

"Alzeimer's is such a nice disease...I get to meet new people everyday" ~Manchester~

"Jen Mathias...is she tall, blonde, and ugly?" ~Manchester~